Yes, it's true. I'm clinically depressed. I received the diagnosis this week. I should not be surprised; the failed IVF in December began a cycle of depression and sadness that kept spiraling. I'm so damned angry, sad, frustrated, lost.
At the same time, I am happy.
I am happy because somehow I found the will to go the doctor and get on medication. Not my first choice for a solution, but living life the way I have the past month is no way to live and certainly no way to be during future fertility treatments.
It's only been a few days, and I'm already feeling hopeful again. I feel like me again. And instead of the distorted thoughts I was having (i.e., "who do I think I am trying to have a baby; I'll be a horrible mom; I can't even take care of myself" and "I'm defective"), I'm thinking of all the things that my husband and I have to look forward to, not just with respect to the family that we will have but because of the life we have chosen together.
I know I'll be a parent. I just can't wait to hold him or her. Time isn't on my side, but love and hope are.
So no more depression for this chic; this is a marathon to the finish and I WILL NOT be defeated.