I am having a very difficult time with my family.
They do not understand what I am going through. Or they do not care. Since they do not communicate with me about our struggle, I have no idea which applies.
My dad tells me to relax. Still, after all these treatments. I explain again and again that I have a medial condition. He refuses to believe it.
My sister has three children and knows that we've been trying for 2 years. My brother has two children and knows that we've been trying for 2 years. But both my brother and sister have acted like I have leprosy. They will not talk to me about our treatments, or ask how I am, or simply say "I'm thinking of you."
When we had our IVF cycle, no one from my family called to wish me luck before the retrieval. No one called to see how things were going. We were alone.
Then, after it failed, no one called. Well, my sister called and never mentioned the IVF. My brother never called. When he finally did - after the new year - I told him that I was very angry with him and asked how he could not even call or mention our situation. He said "I just don't know what to say."
My mom, bless her heart, is the only one who tries to understand. But she has not always understood and I think possibly does not truly understand the depths of our pain.
If I had cancer or some other medical problem, I assume (maybe I'm wrong on this one too) that my family would be here for me. They would be so very sorry and say "what can we do" and "we're thinking of you and we love you." Damn, they might even travel to see me.
But not with infertility. I guess we are supposed to go this one alone.
The thing is, all I really, really want from them is for them to tell me they are thinking of me. Or read up on our procedures. Give us a kind word, or a small gesture. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently it is.