Friday, January 4, 2008

Fertility '08!

Warning: Extreme Political Content to Follow. Can you handle it?

After watching the Iowa Caucus results last night and being told by the ever-so-wise pundits that the next president of the United State will be the president who best represents "CHANGE,"* I began thinking about this very nebulous concept. Change. Hmmm. Can't remember when things weren't the status quo. Can't remember when things didn't totally suck since George W. became president. The idea of a real, meaningful change in government (like Obama becoming president) is too much for me to hope for. In fact, it's almost too painful to even attempt to visualize. Kind of like hoping for Fertility, you know?

Come to think of it, my battle with Infertility began during the presidency of George W. (I have no doubt that this has something to do with the Patriot Act and the government clandestinely trying to prevent two die-hard liberals from conceiving).

But secretly, just as I hope that Obama, this amazing, inspiring, and phenomenal man, might...just, I also harbor the secret hope that maybe...just maybe Fertility can also be the victor in 2008. Because if CHANGE is indeed what it's all about, Fertility's got a chance people!!!

There should be an election in which voters vote for Fertility in '08. Now, such a campaign would not be easily won. It would need money of course - for future IVFs - not to mention media coverage to educate the vast majority of idiots who are totally clueless about what it's like to be infertile. Still, the Fertility '08 campaign would be honorable. It would under no circumstances pay for any negative ads against Infertility. That could prevent the election from going its way. Help us infertiles out folks. Vote for Fertility in 2008! (Can't you hear the crowds chanting Fer-til-ity! Fer-til-ity!)

If Fertility should win, I would expect a victory speech something along these lines:

Fellow Americans, today is truly a momentous event. Infertility is gone, thanks to you. Fertility is Here. People like Angela are now pregnant with their first child after wandering the barren infertile land for so long. No more RE visits. No more IVFs. No more pain. No more suffering. No more baby showers that make you feel like shit. No more hearing about how little Suzy is just sooooo cute and does everything sooooo perfectly. No more periods with tears. No more shots. No more planned sex. No more peeing on sticks. No more avoiding Target because of all the babies there. No more feeling defective. No, you are all now governed by Fertility! Fellow Americans, only because of your hard work, dedication, and voices for change has the reign of Infertility been abolished forever. The future is here. Fertility abounds. And from here on out, remember, it's not what you can do for Fertility, it's what Fertility can do for mean, it's not what Fertility can do for you, it's what YOU can do for Fertility...well, you get the idea. [Insert big Howard Dean yell here - aaaagh!!!]

Hope for the Future. Vote Fertility in 08'!

* If this is actually true across the country and not just in Iowa, I am going to so very drunk on election night, (unless of course, I'm pregnant - yeah right) and sing "Ding dong the witch is dead" over and over. If this is not true, I am just going to get so very drunk.


Shelli said...

Are you throwing your hat in the ring? I'll vote for ya!

Great speech (and better with that screeching yell at the end from Howard Dean that I thought I forgot)!! lol

Denise said...

"Give me an F!" "Give me an E!" "Give me an R..."

I'm with you on this one.